Pieces of a Puzzle

It always amazing me how I fret and worry and in the end everything comes together.  I'm a planner and maybe I'm a bit of a control freak, so I hate not knowing what is going to happen next.  We've been trying for months to adopt from the foster to adopt program with no luck.  We had an interview set up for little E but the week of the interview we got a phone call that a family member stepped up. Her caseworker told us to please stay interested as this family member probably won't work out.

In July, we went to an older child adoption event and image my shock and horror when I saw a giant poster of little E!  She was up for adoption and her caseworker was looking for a new family for her.  Well, what about us?  Where we not in the running anymore. We may never know because she refused to call or email our AW back.

We had also decided to foster with the goal of reunification. We decided to keep a bed open of little E.  We got so many calls and we said yes to 99% of them with no luck.  Finally, we ended up with three little ones from Wilkes-Berrie. They were a sibling set of three ages 3, 2, and 10 months.  I won't get into too many details here but it was definitely an eye opener. I never realized how bad the System really was nor how hard it was to parent tramatized children.  We were able to advocate for them and get services in place. We were also able to show them what it was like to be part of a family, if only for a moment.  The children were only with us for 2 1/2 weeks but they will also be in our hearts.  It's amazing how quickly you can fall in love.

We decided to wait till after vacation for our next placement. Well, God had other plans because two days before we were suppose to leave I got a phone call that will forever change our lives.  As the worker was reading the referal, I stopped her and told her yes...because I reconized the information.  I knew this little girl and her family.  The birth mom's oldest daughter was adopted by a woman whoes mother use to cut my hair.  I then signed up for Big Brothers Big Sisters.  I was assigned to Punky Brewster who is the sister to the birth mom.  How could I say no?  Little Muffin came and we took her on vacation and she did very well.  We've had her for almost three months and it looks like we might adopt her!  The hearing was moved from December to September and county worker wants to change the goal to adoption!

Less than a month after we got Little Muffin, we got the call for Handsome Man who is a 5 month little boy.  The county called our agency and requested  our family for him.  How could I say no?! Brian was in the background saying No! No! We can take in a baby! He came a half hour later and Brian was in love! He went out and bought a manly diaper bag, crib, and car seat. We are all in love with him. What is sad that the county had trouble placing him in our area because most of the foster families only want white kids!  Well, they missed out on a perfectly good baby! 

Handsome Man has a half brother who is 6yrs old. We will know in October if we will be getting both boys.  J is 6 yrs old and is currently living with his great grandparents.  We were not thrilled about getting a 6yr boy who was exposed to lot in his short life.  We had a sibling visited last week and it turns out that we use to live next to the great grandparents and know J!  He use to come over and play with the kids in the townhomes.  He doens't remember me or the Goobs but I remember him. And he is still the sweet kid I remember.  Brian is happy about getting him.  He won't come till Oct or Nov though.

It is amazing how everything fits together like pieces of a puzzle!

We're up for interview!!!!

Some weeks my phone rings almost everyday. Other weeks I hear nothing.  I keep recieving phone calls and I keep saying yes, but alas, no children.  I did get a call last week for a preadoptive placement of 4 under the age of 5 that needed a home the next day and we were chosen! HOWEVER, when I ripped the scab off my eye that morning, I knew that was a bad omen. As I lay there in unimageable pain, I got the call that put that same pain in my heart.  The children would not be coming; a family member had stepped up.

We're beginning to lose hope. We talked about calling the supervisor in mid-June if we don't have any placements and leaving the agency if we don't any placements by August.  It both pains and angers me to see ads in the paper looking for foster care. We're right here! It's frustrating to want to help and nobody wants you.

On Tuesday, I was feeling particially sorry for myself when I got a call from the agency.  It was for a girl who needs a kidney transplant, which her birthmom is willing to do.  Couldn't exactally figure out why she was being removed from the home but we said yes. She might come up for adoption too. Again, not sure what is going on. I must be missing something. The girl is 7 years old and is going to a local children hospital. Being in the medical field gave our family the edge.  Right now she is in the hospital getting stablized due to some issues that happened in the home. When she gets stablized, if she still needs to be in care, then we are first pick. I admit that I was scared senseless when I got this call.  It's becoming more real now. It's a BIG commitment and one that I don't take lightly.

My phone rang an hour lately and my AW asked me if I was standing.  She told me to sit down. Oh not more bad news, please! We were chosen!!! We were one of three familes chosen to go for an interview for the 5 yr girl who sounds like Mirabel...strong-willed and all!  Out of hundreds of profiles only three were chosen and we were one of them! My head was spinning. We met up later at the local DQ and went over her profile.  Brian is super excited! We both know that it will be a long road to recovery and it will take time, but it will be worth it. I'm putting the finishing touches on my scrapbook and my AW, who is fantastic, is helping me to put together a book of services and things to do in our area.  I'm just waiting for the 5yrs girl's caseworker to call me so we can set up an interview in two weeks.  Our AW will be there with us so that makes us feel a whole lot better.  I'm actually pretty calm about the whole thing. Something feels different about this one. I am at peace and feel no worry or anxiety about going to the interview.

Oh and her if we adopt her she will have the name of one of Brian's cousin...how cool is that?

Not Chosen...Again

For the sibling group of three, we were not chosen.  A family closer was chosen...again.

Calls Coming In

Brian and I so desperately want to parent children.  Brian is so excited about becoming a foster dad.  And he will be so good at it too. He has always had a passion for helping children.  We spend part of yesterday learning how to care for Sweety Pie.  We each got to the treatments and spend some time with him.  Brian did very well.  I definitely think he should go into the medical field.

Since meeting with Carrie and Kristy last week, we've recieved a few phone calls.  The first one was for a 4 year old biracial boy BUT he's terrified of dogs.  We have Nero, who is very sweet.  The next call was for a sibling group with a 10 month girl and a 5 year old boy. Got the call today that they no longer need a home. (Though I'm not sure why.) BUT in the same breathe the caseworker said she had another referrel for a sibling group of three: Boy (age 4), Boy (age 2), and Girl (4 months). I, of course, said yes. So, we are again waiting. They need a home today, so if I don't hear from the caseworker by 4:30 (when the agency closes), I'll assume we were chosen...again.  At least the calls are coming in.

Where God leads you...

It's funny where God leads you.  Brian and I are still waiting for some children.  I had another call but had to turn it down. To get the ball rolling, we decided to offer to provide respite care.  Respite care is where a foster family can bring over their foster child(ren) for a night, a few days, or a week.  Respite is a valuable resource to foster families because sometimes they cannot take foster child(ren) with them.  Respite would be used if foster family was going to a funeral or vacation (and the child was too fragile to take), having surgery, or just need a break.  (Because don't all parents need a break!?)  As soon as I sent the email, my caseworker, Carrie, wanted to meet the next week.  (Which is today)  I had a bunch of questions anyways about fostering so it worked out. Unfortunally, Brian couldn't be there because he had school.  It turns out our foster/adoptive friends, C and M, asked Carrie (we share the same caseworker) if we would be willing to do respite for them! How exciting! Their newest addition, who I've nicknamed Sweety Pie, is severly medically fragile and would need a higher level of care.  I spent a few hours going over all I would need to do to care for this sweet child.  I instantly fell in love with him.  I admit that I was nervous with all I would have to do to care for him, but after a few hours I am starting to fell more comfortable. Of course, Brian and I will have to do many more visits so he gets use to us and we get use to his routine.  We are going back Monday morning (no school!) so that Brian can meet him and we can both see his morning routine. After working with him, we will definitely be able take children with higher level of care.  And we are looking forward to when C and M will need us.

Nesting

You know that feeling you get right before you baby is due?  The urge to put rearrange, paint, buy, and decorate so everything is just right. Well, I have that same feeling! Even though we are waiting for older children, I still have the urge to get everything just right. I just want our foster children to be in a homey environment.

Two weeks ago our new furinture arrived. We got a great deal at a local furniture store that I get a discount from.  My job gives them A LOT of business so in return employees get a discount. :-) We got bunk beds with all the fixing and a much bigger table. And I got a super good deal on sheet sets and pillows. Plus, I have some friends who offered me their cribs that convert into toddler beds and one converts into a full size bed! I am truly blessed by all of my friends.

                                                      Full Size Bed in Bedroom One

                                                      Plenty of Room at our New Table

 Bunk Beds in Room Two

I haven't picked up the one crib set yet.  But my other friend delivered hers a week ago.  It took me two days and a few swear words but I finally got the full bed up. We had a very nice box spring and full size pillow top mattress.  Brian made a sacrfice and moved his office into kitchen so we could put the bunk beds in there.  Both rooms still look like they are missing something.  A toy box or doll house maybe? 

I found this amazing blog written by a foster child and he gets great tips. http://looneytunes09.wordpress.com/ He suggest having a stuff animal for when children arrive that they can keep and getting duffel back or book bag to keep their stuff in....instead of a trash bag.

Yard sales will be coming up soon and I'm excited! I made a list of all the things I want to buy to make my house kid friendly and fun!

We are still waiting for a placement. I just sent an email to my caseworker, Carrie, letting her know that we are willing to except respite placements and emengery placements too. Hopefully, that will get us started.

A Change in Plans

It's always been in the back of my mind. I knew that one day I wanted to do it. I also knew that I had to wait until my husband was ready. So, I kept my mouth shut and prayed. "If this is what You want me to do then You have to change my husband's heart because my nagging doesn't work!" And then sooner than expected I got a phone call from him. He was ready. Something in his heart had changed. Maybe it was cold feet.  Adoption is so permanent, he says to me. So, I made the call to Carrie, our caseworker.  Actually she called me first with a 15 month old boy who needed a home today. TODAY?! What?! I wasn't prepared, but I said yes anyways.  He ended up going to a foster/adoptive home closer to his birth family.

In the end we really just want to parent children. So, we've decided to change our status from foster/adopt to foster care.  We understand that the goal is reunification but it is where we can do the most good. Brian was worried about getting attached to children and never seeing them again. But he realized that is what he does every year as a teacher. He spends all year getting to know all 120 or so of his students and then they leave to another building.

Of course we have a lot of questions and concerns. Carrie and her supervisor, Christy (who did our home study), will be coming next week to answer our questions.  A lot will change. We can take on different types of children now since the goal is reunification. But if a child or children come up for adoption we will have first dibs. We are hoping to get medically fragile children. Of course we will need special training first, but we both look forward to caring for these children.  I think (but I could be wrong) that few foster families take on medically fragile children.  Since I have a medical background and since Brian is thinking of going back to school to be in the medical field, I think this will be a good choice for us. We will also take children ages birth to age eleven.  Our biggest concern is of course our bio daugther Mira (age 4). How will she react to all these children coming and going in her life? How will respond and process some of the behaviors that will come with these children? How can we explain why the children are here without telling the whole ugly truth? Will we be able to give her equal attention and not make her feel left out? In the end, I think it will make her a stronger and more kind person. She is already very loving but this will only reinforce that.

We are now in the preparing phase. I posted a message on Face Book and had several friends offer me their stuff. I have two different friends who are giving me their cribs that convert into toddler beds and one turns into a twin bed.  We went to a local discount furniture store and got bunk beds, mattresses, and a huge table that seats six people! We in the process of moving everything from the computer room into our bedroom so we should have room for up to four children (or five if we get a baby who can sleep in our room).

So that is where we are now in our journey into the unknown.

Adoption is....

"Adoption is about finding families for children; not children for families."

Someone posted that on one of the message boards and it got a mix of angry responses. The agurement divided those who adopt infants and those who were foster parents and birthmoms. I think it is a little of both.  You both need each other.  But we lean more towards finding families for children though.  We're adopting not because we can't have more children---because we can and it would be a whole lot easier.  We're adopting because there is a need out there.  We have a loving home and there are children who need a loving home. We're adopting because we are accepting and understanding of others and there are children who need that. We're adopting because we want more children and there are children who need a family.  So when we get passed over we feel sad and disappointment but we also feel happiness because that child or children has found a home. And in the end that is all that matters.

That being said we were passed over...again.  We were hoping to get a girl who had a rare heart condition.  Our caseworker, Carrie, called me yesterday and told me that she was already matched with a family but if things didn't work out we would be given a call.  We're praying it does work out.  That little girl has a home and that is all that matters...as heartbreaking as that is for us. We're still waiting to hear about the eight year old who loves anything "sparky and glitterly."  Carrie did read a flyer to me over the phone about a 5 yr old girl who is strong-willed, loves to sing and dance, and wants to take swimming and dancing lessons.  Hmmmm...who does that sound like?  She sounds like she would be PERFECT for our family.(See I told you that adoption is a little of both!) However, Carrie has to find out if her caseworker is accepting family profiles first.  And of course we have a TON of questions to ask too.  

And now we wait...again.

Rude Comments about Foster Adoption

I am always boggled that more people don't consider adoption. It is looked at as a second choice by those who can't "have their own kids" and as a "crazy" for those who chose it as a first choice. I've always talked openly about wanting to adopt as a first choice. I always envisioned a family with both biological and adopted older children. Throughout my life and especially into adulthood I have often recieved negative and rude comments. Those whoes lives have been touched by adoption always express their happiness and joy. Everyone else, whether well meaning or not, tries to give "warnings" or starts telling a worse case senerio story about someone brother's wife's uncle's cousin who saw a show about an adoption nightmare.

The lastest was this passed week. Someone implied that we were adopting for the money! Isn't that laughable! Really?! Really?! I would make more money getting more hours at work (which I passed up and even cut my hours back even more to prepare for the adoption) and it would be a whole lot easier! The money we get (called adoptive subsities) is reason we CAN adopt and not the reason we ARE adopting. And then I got a call from someone telling me to turn on this week's Super Nanny, who was helping a family with adoption children, so I "could see what it is going to be like." That totally through me for a loop. That family was on Super Nanny NOT because they were adoptive but because the MOM'S parenting style wasn't working!

It's weird because when I talk about having another biological child or when I was pregnant with my daughter no one had anything negative to say. There were no stories about biological children who gave their parents hell or grew up to be druggies or criminals! There were no warnings about how "hard" is was going to be!

Yes, children from foster care and especially those who are older are going to have baggage. Yes, they are going to need time and theraphy to heal. Yes, it is going to be hard. But anything in life worth doing is hard. Raising a biological child is hard. Really hard. I know, because I have one. My husband and I had NO deliusion about what it is going to be like.  The difference?  We understand what we are getting into and we are making the decision to love and accept a child or children as they are. We are both accepting and laid back people. We are both use to dealing with all types of children.  We are willing to put all of the work into raising all of our children and we understand that love can't fix everything.

So, please keep your opinions and comments to yourself.  No one asked you anyways.

Passed over :-(

We were matched with a sibling group of four ages 2, 4, 5, & 6. How fun would that be? But so were several other families.  So, their caseworker and some county workers were sitting down and going through all of the family profiles and were going to narrow it down to three.  Well, we got the call last week that we weren't chosen to be in the final three. :-( We were pretty bummed.  But our profile was accepted for a sweet 8 year old girl who loves anything "glittery and sparkly."  Sounds like my kid, right?  And we are waiting to get more information on a 9 year old girl with a heart condition.  So that is where we are at now.

While we wait...

We we are waiting for our forever children, we have decided to start preparing for their arrival. I cut back two of my shifts at work so that I have more time with Mirabel and have found a church. This church has just the right amount of people; not too big and not too small. The people are laid back and friendly. There are three services and most people show up late and sit in the back! (Yes, we are one of those people!)  They have a lot of activities for children too. Mirabel loves going to Sunday school and next week we are going to have her start going to Kids Worship, which is a children church where she will learn to sign and dance. There is a puppet minstry,  Preschool, youth group, Bible Quizzing, G.L.U.E (God's Love Unites Everyone) and minstry opportunities. So, this will be the perfect church for our future forever children. :-)

I plan on painting Mirabel's room and redecorating it for her birthday coming up next month. The theme...Princess of course!  We plan on replacing windows in the downstairs bedrooms and putting hardwood floors in the upstairs bedrooms. (So much easier to clean!) I also plan on signing Mirabel up for swimming lessons so that we can go to the pool all summer long. I am starting to go to a mom's group at the church (starting next week) and have begon to connect with old friends.  Over the next couple of months, we want to install an invisible fence for our dog and maybe get a playhouse for outside. How fun would that be?  We decided to have a staycation this year. There is so much kid friendly things to do here from Knobles to bowling, free movies Wednesday, fairs, parks, free waterpark, Catworld, roller skating...the list goes on and on.  So, for now we are focusing on Mirabel and are patiencely waiting for our forever children.

Waiting and Hopeful

My caseworker called me yesterday and said there were several other families interested in the sibling group.  Their caseworker is going to sit down with county workers and narrowed it down to three or four families.  We should know by early next week if we are one of those families, which she said is rare. Normally, it takes months. Months! Yikes, I didn't realize how long this proccess was going to take.  So, all we can do now is put it in God's hands and wait. If this is the family he wants for us, then it will happen.

A Glimmer of Hope...

Just a quick update.  We were feeling pretty bummed about the lack of children up for adoption and then when I got home last night I checked my email.  Our caseworker emailed us to say that another caseworker from the matching event had a sibling group for us and was interested in our family.  I don't want to say much more because I don't want to jinx it but we talked it over and are VERY interested. It's going to be WHAM BAM, You're a Family if it all pans out but that what we both want. So, I emailed her twice and left a message on her phone. So, all that is left is wait and pray! :-)