Adoption is....

"Adoption is about finding families for children; not children for families."

Someone posted that on one of the message boards and it got a mix of angry responses. The agurement divided those who adopt infants and those who were foster parents and birthmoms. I think it is a little of both.  You both need each other.  But we lean more towards finding families for children though.  We're adopting not because we can't have more children---because we can and it would be a whole lot easier.  We're adopting because there is a need out there.  We have a loving home and there are children who need a loving home. We're adopting because we are accepting and understanding of others and there are children who need that. We're adopting because we want more children and there are children who need a family.  So when we get passed over we feel sad and disappointment but we also feel happiness because that child or children has found a home. And in the end that is all that matters.

That being said we were passed over...again.  We were hoping to get a girl who had a rare heart condition.  Our caseworker, Carrie, called me yesterday and told me that she was already matched with a family but if things didn't work out we would be given a call.  We're praying it does work out.  That little girl has a home and that is all that matters...as heartbreaking as that is for us. We're still waiting to hear about the eight year old who loves anything "sparky and glitterly."  Carrie did read a flyer to me over the phone about a 5 yr old girl who is strong-willed, loves to sing and dance, and wants to take swimming and dancing lessons.  Hmmmm...who does that sound like?  She sounds like she would be PERFECT for our family.(See I told you that adoption is a little of both!) However, Carrie has to find out if her caseworker is accepting family profiles first.  And of course we have a TON of questions to ask too.  

And now we wait...again.

Rude Comments about Foster Adoption

I am always boggled that more people don't consider adoption. It is looked at as a second choice by those who can't "have their own kids" and as a "crazy" for those who chose it as a first choice. I've always talked openly about wanting to adopt as a first choice. I always envisioned a family with both biological and adopted older children. Throughout my life and especially into adulthood I have often recieved negative and rude comments. Those whoes lives have been touched by adoption always express their happiness and joy. Everyone else, whether well meaning or not, tries to give "warnings" or starts telling a worse case senerio story about someone brother's wife's uncle's cousin who saw a show about an adoption nightmare.

The lastest was this passed week. Someone implied that we were adopting for the money! Isn't that laughable! Really?! Really?! I would make more money getting more hours at work (which I passed up and even cut my hours back even more to prepare for the adoption) and it would be a whole lot easier! The money we get (called adoptive subsities) is reason we CAN adopt and not the reason we ARE adopting. And then I got a call from someone telling me to turn on this week's Super Nanny, who was helping a family with adoption children, so I "could see what it is going to be like." That totally through me for a loop. That family was on Super Nanny NOT because they were adoptive but because the MOM'S parenting style wasn't working!

It's weird because when I talk about having another biological child or when I was pregnant with my daughter no one had anything negative to say. There were no stories about biological children who gave their parents hell or grew up to be druggies or criminals! There were no warnings about how "hard" is was going to be!

Yes, children from foster care and especially those who are older are going to have baggage. Yes, they are going to need time and theraphy to heal. Yes, it is going to be hard. But anything in life worth doing is hard. Raising a biological child is hard. Really hard. I know, because I have one. My husband and I had NO deliusion about what it is going to be like.  The difference?  We understand what we are getting into and we are making the decision to love and accept a child or children as they are. We are both accepting and laid back people. We are both use to dealing with all types of children.  We are willing to put all of the work into raising all of our children and we understand that love can't fix everything.

So, please keep your opinions and comments to yourself.  No one asked you anyways.

Passed over :-(

We were matched with a sibling group of four ages 2, 4, 5, & 6. How fun would that be? But so were several other families.  So, their caseworker and some county workers were sitting down and going through all of the family profiles and were going to narrow it down to three.  Well, we got the call last week that we weren't chosen to be in the final three. :-( We were pretty bummed.  But our profile was accepted for a sweet 8 year old girl who loves anything "glittery and sparkly."  Sounds like my kid, right?  And we are waiting to get more information on a 9 year old girl with a heart condition.  So that is where we are at now.

While we wait...

We we are waiting for our forever children, we have decided to start preparing for their arrival. I cut back two of my shifts at work so that I have more time with Mirabel and have found a church. This church has just the right amount of people; not too big and not too small. The people are laid back and friendly. There are three services and most people show up late and sit in the back! (Yes, we are one of those people!)  They have a lot of activities for children too. Mirabel loves going to Sunday school and next week we are going to have her start going to Kids Worship, which is a children church where she will learn to sign and dance. There is a puppet minstry,  Preschool, youth group, Bible Quizzing, G.L.U.E (God's Love Unites Everyone) and minstry opportunities. So, this will be the perfect church for our future forever children. :-)

I plan on painting Mirabel's room and redecorating it for her birthday coming up next month. The theme...Princess of course!  We plan on replacing windows in the downstairs bedrooms and putting hardwood floors in the upstairs bedrooms. (So much easier to clean!) I also plan on signing Mirabel up for swimming lessons so that we can go to the pool all summer long. I am starting to go to a mom's group at the church (starting next week) and have begon to connect with old friends.  Over the next couple of months, we want to install an invisible fence for our dog and maybe get a playhouse for outside. How fun would that be?  We decided to have a staycation this year. There is so much kid friendly things to do here from Knobles to bowling, free movies Wednesday, fairs, parks, free waterpark, Catworld, roller skating...the list goes on and on.  So, for now we are focusing on Mirabel and are patiencely waiting for our forever children.

Waiting and Hopeful

My caseworker called me yesterday and said there were several other families interested in the sibling group.  Their caseworker is going to sit down with county workers and narrowed it down to three or four families.  We should know by early next week if we are one of those families, which she said is rare. Normally, it takes months. Months! Yikes, I didn't realize how long this proccess was going to take.  So, all we can do now is put it in God's hands and wait. If this is the family he wants for us, then it will happen.