The First of Many Steps...

Its funny. I didn't expect this kind of reaction to making something so small as a phone call.  The phone call itself wasn't anything small. It was quite huge actually. It the first of many steps that would forever change our lives. My whole life I felt like I was preparing for this moment.  I've spend years dreaming, researching, and talking about it but when the time finally came to make that commit, I froze. As I stood there holding my phone with the agency's number already plugged in to it, the reality of the kind of commitment I was going to make hit me. It's not that I'm having second thoughts or doubts. It is like any big event in my life (graduation, "real" jobs, marriage, pregnancy), I never thought that day would come and when it did the thought of it was overwhelming!  I remember the day I found out that I was pregnant. I was so shocked and panicked. It was extremely overwhelming knowing that I was going to have someone totally depend on me.  Or the time I got my "real" job at an assistant living facility. The night before I went in for my first day, I had nightmares all night about being fire or messing up.  The morning of my first day, I laid on the couch sick to my stomach thinking to myself, "Can I really do it?" I was going to responsible for lives of thirty elderly people; all who were depending on me for their care. Yikes!

Well, I guess this should be no different. Though I did make mistakes along the way my daughter, Mira, is still breathing and is a happy engergic child.  I've been at my job for a year and a half now and all of my residents enjoy my company and I seem to be doing well. Both commitments have enriched my life and I am thankful for them.  So around 1pm today, after practing what I was going to say, I took a deep breath and hit send.  Of course when the woman on the other end answered I completely befuddled everything that I practiced.  However, that is just my personality.  The information is in the mail and once my husband and I review it, I am going to call back and set up a meeting.  And this time, that phone call won't be so hard to make.